Round 3

Covid came to visit again and unlike round two, it really kicked my hiney. I suspect it’s because of a stronger exposure, since it made its way through our little family, but with so much unknown about the ability to contract this multiple times, who knows.

Although my KS doctors are still working with the vaccine roll out, MO isn’t, so when I have an online appointment with my fibro doctor on the 1st I’m hoping his staff can get me scheduled for the shot up here at St. Luke’s. It seems like I’m recovering, which is when my doctors most worry that I’m most likely to have a sudden, severe decline that requires hospitalization. Being the practical person that I am, I appreciate the honesty. Being scared that with my problems if I get hospitalized for anything I’m not coming back out…well, I kind of like the voice in my mind that fibs and says we’re getting through this just fine. Lol

The great part is during this I am literally in a fight with KS Medicare about them still believing I’m disabled and wanting an evaluation done in person in Topeka in a couple of weeks. I’ve talked to national, KS, and an assistant to the case worker for my KS DDS. All said it’d be cancelled and to wait for MO to contact me, since they’ll probably want to do their own investigation beyond the huge “paperwork reduction act” packet I filled out months back. On the 18th, two solid weeks later, I received a second notice of a new evaluation scheduled at the same place in Topeka. 🤦🏻‍♀️ One, if the paperwork has said “no expectation for significant improvement and will never work again” for over a decade, I think the government is wasting money on paying some doctor to evaluate me, then a committee to review, etc. Not to mention the cost behind all this paperwork! Two, KS hasn’t been paying for my disability for 6 months. A little late to be deciding if you’ll continue to pay me, IMO. Lol Politicians get gold toilet seats and the government pays people to harass permanently disabled people. I don’t usually get very political, but dude, why do we have room in the budget for this?! And a bit ironic to me that MO hasn’t had a problem other than when they would move my monthly payment to a different bank than I used for years. As the youngest would say…”Kind of sus to me.” Lol

So between Covid, planning the Handfasting (under 70 days!), court, and settling into our family rhythm, I know I’ve been quiet and wanted to post a bit of a heads up. However, I’ll end with a few cooler things though than the blah. 😁 One, the eldest got Captain of the Rugby Team! Sadly he only got to play once before we all crashed with the bug, but in a few weeks, we’re back to Saturday matches of young men beating the holy tarnation out of each other. 😂 Two, which was worrisome at the time but funny now, my fever got warm enough while sick that my Shamrock and glitter decorated fake nails began dropping off because I warmed the glue with my fever! We still haven’t found one rogue nail, which is disturbing lol, but they started popping like popcorn, even into the cat food when I scooped a bowl! 🤣 Lastly, although we’re having to make some modifications due to Covid cutting events out of our time frame, the Handfasting plans are coming along nicely. I think, in a way, the adaptations that are coming about are even better. It’s definitely not the original three mental images that we had, but it’s more cohesive and “us”. We had to cancel our engagement photo shoot and have had some issues with my dress, but being sick, and honestly a bit scared about it causing complications, has really helped to hone in on the things that really matter to us. And that’s how I want to close this little catch up post.

Life is hectic and the world feels like it’s in turmoil. Just don’t forget to take stock of the things that really matter to you. Celebrate any milestone you can, hug a loved one if you can and hold on long enough that it becomes a memory seared into your heart. Rejoice in having family/friend game night again and cherish the laughter. No matter how crazy it is and how much you’re struggling right now, you are loved. As someone who has fought suicidal ideation a lot before, I know it may be hard for some to believe and trust in it, but you are loved. And if you’re lucky enough to be in love, learn their love languages and wrap yourself in those beautiful moments to help during the bumpy moments. Don’t forget to pamper yourself in whatever way that suits you, either! A bubble bath, 5 minutes on the back deck without kids, crafting, or even gaming. You’ve had a rough year. Show yourself some love. 😊