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Daily Archives: July 6, 2022

Clonazepam Still Sucks

I’ve decided to go with the Round app to help give me a reminder window to take the antihistamine. It’s a little awkward in some ways, but it is easier than the others I tried. I’m not going to give the doctor a record of taking the medication, so I don’t need something better.

It takes about an hour before my symptoms are more manageable once I take the medication. I’m kind of thankful for that, because then I know for sure if I still need to take something to help me and that it isn’t building up in my system so I won’t be going through another version of the withdrawals.

I’m able to now figure out the cause of some of the symptoms. My body can’t regulate temperatures yet or my blood pressure, so if I try to move a bit I’ll often get dizzy, altered vision (I know from my time working at the Neuro office that the rhythmic darkening at the edges of my vision is blood pressure triggering “floaters”), and have about half an hour of strong involuntary movements. I haven’t figured out yet what is messing up my perception of my body though. I know logically where my ear drum is, but it’s all itchy and noisy right now, so when I tried to clean a bit out I knew to stop, because I couldn’t actually tell from the sensations where I was cleaning. I can’t walk well because I don’t seem to know where exactly my feet are. I can’t get utensils to put food in my mouth very well and often stab or prod my lips when I try to eat, which I then have to use both hands to get it into my mouth otherwise I’ll shake so much it falls. I often have bouts of insomnia still that the medication helps override at about thirty hours from when I last slept, but after that first dose it doesn’t knock me out except when it overrides the insomnia. I’m betting that I got knocked out from the first few doses because my body was so exhausted, whereas now I’m not going multiple days without even a nap.

I also get weird rounds where I’m super emotional and have trouble being logical, but the worst part is I don’t realize I’ve spiraled until I’m a few hours into a bout (I’m sure it’s noticeable in my writing but right now I’m not with it enough to fix it). Since I like to take advantage of the time I am doing well, I forget to also write. So I’m sorry that I’ve probably been a bit crackers when I’ve written. LOL I guess that it’s the most accurate glimpse into what this does to the brain and how my experience is.

Although I’m avoiding social media for the most part while my brain is so wonky, I’ve been catching up on The Mighty, a chronic illness/disorders/diseases community. I get overwhelmed with how many emails I get overall, so feature filled emails like the daily to weekly ones I get from Mighty tend to get deleted instead of read. Sometimes it is also difficult to be reminded of my disability. I know that seems odd, but I want to be as honest as possible. I often need a distraction from being disabled and all of the challenges. I try to interact and be encouraging/supportive of others who are reaching out when I can, and right now is a good time when I’m more stable. Coincidentally I had an email from Mighty in my catch up folder full of memes about depression and some are rather amusing to me. I thought I’d share a few that really stood out to me. I tried to black out curse words that may offend others, but it’s hard to do that when I have trouble with my coordination, so I apologize now if it’s not marked out enough for your preference.

So accurate and sarcastic lol

Also pretty applicable for the advice to get “over” Fibromyalgia. lol

Uncomfortably true, although some is from the whole religion issues that skewed my self esteem.

True lol

So accurate right now!

This so fits my nerdy personality lol
And this last one that fits perfectly with love of charts and spreadsheets

Hopefully at least one is amusing for you too! I wanted to try to have a bit that’s less solemn than I’ve been lately. 😁

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