I thought I’d let you in on a little secret I’ve held for a few days. Brace yourself. Cover your eyes and read through your fingers. Start to wrinkle your nose now. You have been warned. Apparently I made bath boogers. Chocolatey orbs that felt like a combination of pudding and snot. Yeah, I’m wrinkling my nose too, remembering that disgusting bath.
I’ve been finishing up testing on several projects that I shared, and a few that I was a bit indifferent about, so I never mentioned them yet. Since I had a big bag full of chocolate massage melts that I wasn’t going to sell and would take me a lifetime to use up in massages I figured I’d try some experiments out on them. (Yep, the nerd side of my personality reared it’s head. Lol.) Just out of pure accident I found that if it’s in the 90s and you don’t have the AC on the melts will resemble a Cadbury Creme Egg. A thin, solid shell with a gooey, creamy center. That actually resulted in a nice texture for a massage (of course, can you really ever complain about textures if you’re finally getting a massage, anyway?). If they’re frozen they crumble and after two days the bits still won’t massage in. Admittedly that test was just to amuse myself. *sporting a mild blush* I put them through a few more paces and then thought that I’d try them in the bath. I’ve made cocoa baths before; oils, cocoa powder, and a little extra FO, and they were fantastic (except for the ring in the tub that I then had to clean *laugh*). I figured that these should be even more moisturizing since I could massage them in as they softened instead of the oils all making slicks that evade my sponge or hands. The key thing that I forgot was that there was Cocoa Butter in it. A butter. Something that doesn’t do so great in water. I nearly developed a bruise from smacking my forehead so many times while maybe exclaiming “Buh me!” loud enough when it hit me while sitting on the porch that my neighbors stared. I’m the crazy cat lady that makes my own bath and body stuff instead of buying it from Walmart or Walgreens in a small rural town, so they stare anyways, but these were those “I told you she had to be crazy – she’s from California!” kind of looks. Meh.
Anywho….*grin* I settled in my bath with a big cup of sweet tea and a new book on my nook, plus five of those divinely smelling, crusty looking, squares. I was going to do an even four, but if you’re going to pamper yourself, my theory is that you might as well throw one more in for good measure. Except in this case. I just ended up with another chocolate booger that slithered out of my hands when I tried to scoop the globs out. *shudder* The bath started out wonderfully at first actually. The smell of chocolate started to fill the air, the almond oil started to make my skin silky, and it felt heavenly. Then one crested the shore of my tummy and slithered across back into the water on the other side. Um…well…Bo, my big protector of a dog, might have come running in when I let out a super girly shriek from the bath slug gliding over me. I may have made some odd noises as I splashed the chocolaty boogers up the sides of the bath only to have them slide back down in an incredibly disturbing fashion. Maybe. I’m not saying I’d ever be that much of a pansy. And dogs can’t talk. After a few moments of *cough* dignified disgust, I sucked it up and after a little exercise of chasing the globs around I finally got a handful of water and goo, and massaged it in. Like I said, it truly felt like a mixture of instant jello pudding with the sliminess of a runny nose. It really does condition the skin though. In case you’re curious it doesn’t wash off either. Some of the really gross sliminess goes away with some dawn dish soap, but for the most part you only get the chocolate part off. The rest just has to wear off as you scrub your memory with “mind bleach”.
Needless to say the remaining squares are in the back of my product cabinet and it took a salt paste to make the tub safe enough to stand in (even with two grab bars in there I did a lovely bit of The Twist. Too bad I didn’t have Chubby Checkers actually playing at the time, but I’m impressed that I can still do the dance with all of my problems. Mom, next time I see you, we’ll dance. *grin*).
For the past week I’ve been nursing some burns on my arm (we won’t discuss that. Lol.), so I haven’t experimented with any other items. Honestly I’m a little hesitant to keep messing with the other items from before this disaster. *grin* I think I need to start a line of gross things to sell for Halloween parties now. Apparently I have a previously undiscovered skill at creating slimy and gross things. Hmmm…I’ve made Slimer the aloe rub and chocolate snot. I wonder what else kids could stick their hands into and squeal over. 😉