I think we could all use this message right now. In this time of fear, grief, depression, and isolation, most of us have had time to evaluate our lives, circumstances, and even self worth. Many are struggling with having had the time to stop and actually reflect, and we often end up with some dark thoughts. So please remember that YOU ARE WORTH IT. You always were.
I’ve spent my entire life seeking approval and recognition. I felt like a failure because I became disabled and usually can’t do things that garner acknowledgement and praise. I have had to leave my career and now end two business ventures.
I put a lot of work, time, creativity, and my precious little bit of energy into my bath and body business, and often my products never sold or were commented on, and it hurt. I felt like I had failed at another thing in life. Now I realize that I sought recognition and praise, when I really needed to be proud of myself without requiring others to say it.
There’s a difference between being humble and knowing your self worth; knowing that you are worth it. I read this and it just clicked suddenly, and I hope it does for someone else reading this, too. Whatever you do, even if it’s taking a rest day because you’re out of spoons if you’re a Spoonie, or you put yourself at potential risk of illness by being an essential worker, you are awesome. You are awesome just because you are and hopefully this helps you to be proud of yourself without waiting for someone else to say so, to make you feel it. While you ponder this, if you are needing this message, I acknowledge you – that you’re awesome and worthy. I know that you are stronger and better than you realize, regardless if you’re successful, good looking, disabled, a nerd, searching for the right career, or just taking it day by day. We are worth it.
The Invisible Illness Awareness Day came this year while I’m having quite a struggle. If you feel inclined, please help spread awareness that there are invisible diseases that are barely understood and often disabling. The number one cause of death with most invisible diseases is suicide, because we seldom feel believed or understood, and we can become very broken when we lose the life that we knew.
In honor of spreading awareness, I’m going to be super vulnerable today and admit a few things. I am trying to accept that this is my new normal; although antibiotics got rid of the sinus infection, H1N1 combined with my Fibro to do a real number on my body. My level of illness has progressed again. In officially acknowledging this, I realize that I will have to make a decision on how to close out Georgia’s Pampering as a business. I’d like to keep the blog and hopefully still be able to provide useful information, but I’m no longer going to offer products that it is no longer healthy for me to try to make.
I’m also going to give in and get the forms done for my disability placard, so when I can manage to get out, I can do more by not being worn out from walking through a parking lot before I get there. I’m also going to use my standard wheelchair for when I leave the house, if it’s not a small outing that my cane can handle. I am now having too many falls and too much weakness to risk relying on my cane and hope. It’s silly, but those are two incredibly difficult decisions. Thankfully I all ready have a wheelchair from when I injured both ankles and feet, but unfortunately I can’t self propel myself for long without the fibro acting up in my arms, so we are looking into a motorized one. Unfortunately, because it’s for outdoor use and we do not have an accommodating house, the cost is out of pocket, so we are pursuing a few options of inquiry. Because we’ve made so many adjustments over the years to accommodate my indoor needs, if I want to have a little independence or enjoy time away from home, due to having a different kind of disabling illness, I don’t qualify for help. I guess I found another medical donut hole to fit into.
So, big changes are in my future as I stop being stupid and stubborn, and make some needed changes to accommodate the worsening of my symptoms. Maybe by being so brutally honest about what I’m giving up and dealing with at just 40, that’ll help someone else believe in these invisible illnesses, believe us when we say we’re sick, and maybe help someone understand a chronically ill friend just a bit better. I dream of a day when Awareness is just as vital as the MeToo campaign. Since it’s easier for a picture or pic with small message to get passed along, I’m going to share some down below. Please, please, please, feel free to share any and all, and help us raise Awareness for Invisible Diseases like Fibromyalgia/CFS.
Self help books and psychologists start a therapy course by changing how you think about your illness. It’s a challenge to make you stronger, adapt, and find other things in life that you are good at. Sure, that’s true, but stop telling us that we aren’t losing our lives. Acknowledge this and help teach us how to cope or heal from these losses! We are losing careers, relationships and friendships, hobbies, and basic abilities sometimes. Some of us lose the ability to feel safe outside of our home, because our immune systems are so bad that being around other people becomes literally risky. We lose the ability to enjoy date nights, feel good about ourselves, and sometimes we are paradoxically terrified of people seeing us at our worst…when we have extra cushions because just sitting hurts, we have braces or bandage wraps around joints, we smell like Bengay, we’re slowly dragging behind a walker, and sometimes we have to choose to use our energy on changing out of pajamas or spending a little while hanging out on the couch with our spouse. I’ve learned a lot of things during my journey and I lost a lot, too. So, no matter what therapy says, I’ll try to raise Awareness every May 12th that I make it to, and I’ll be honest that Fibromyalgia/CFS/Invisible Diseases all hurt from being so misunderstood.
Thank you for helping me spread Awareness and for being here during my journey. If you feel comfortable, please feel safe to share your journey in the comments. I’ll block any trolling. If you’re a Spoonie, you don’t have to keep your “I’m okay” mask on with me.
I know I created the new blog for my SL photography, so those that subscribe and don’t care to see it, don’t have to weed through posts for what you’re interested in, although things have been rough and I haven’t posted much anyway. So, I’m posting a couple of links over to SL digital Photoshoot posts that I’m really proud of. I’ve become too sick to let my creativity work through my products, so I’m learning to use it in the photoshoots instead. I hope you don’t mind having a post that is a little different. Stay safe in this ever-changing time!