(Continued from the three days’ worth of trying to write/dictate about this experience.)
I had to talk with my husband to see if he was comfortable with my openly discussing what we discovered works best for me for getting through the withdrawals. It’s controversial to some of society and (as usual with me) it doesn’t line up with society’s “norm”. A doctor prescribed medicinal marijuana (I’ll shorten to MJ from here on out) to hopefully treat not just the mental aspects but also a lot of physical ones too. Working with how my body reacts and the dispensary’s assistance (they’re not usually wasted just because they work in a dispensary, I discovered. If they’re dosing it’s because they also have a condition that is being treated and are passionate about this avenue of treatment, so they have a ton of knowledge!), we found a few products and doses my body responds to. I can only do edibles because my lungs are too weak and I’ve also seen first hand what COPD can do when you’ve smoked. It’s too risky for me to smoke anything, even a vape. So it’s been a rough and odd road to find out what works best with my body.
CBD alone doesn’t do squat for me, although I think some of that could also be the dosage sizes I tried. At least for now a predominant THC percentage works best. Indica doesn’t have the “in da couch” effect on me, possibly because of the Clonazepam receptor stuff. CBG seems to be something that helps though. 30 MG of THC with full terpenes (as full as we can manage at least), in concentrated form, mixed into rice treats, seems to be the right balance of finding relief without being off my rocker. I don’t like the oiliness or taste, especially when my taste buds register bitter more strongly than usual, so I have to put some chocolate underneath it to be on my tongue when I bite/chew. I have so much trouble with nausea and if the THC is still bitter I sometimes can’t stop my stomach revolting. It’s disguised and discreet, and kept secure, so Little Man doesn’t have access or know. He has a package of bakery ones to make it less noticeable if he sees me eating one. It’d be hard to make sure he understands the difference between medicinal and what everyone cautions him to not do, and that something that helps me isn’t good for him. Kind of seems like a double standard that isn’t necessary.
I get almost 12 hours of partial symptom management right now. I have tons of symptoms still, but it’s massively less than it would be otherwise. Like I documented before, I don’t think this is survivable without help. If the physical issues didn’t take me out directly, then I honestly think I would have gone insane. (Not the amusing kind you kid about – the actual padded room kind.) My body, brain, and thoughts are just a big ball of exposed wire and the electricity keeps shorting out. Every little thing is intense. Trying to move, speak, think, and even see, are so difficult despite the MJ. It cuts down on the raw wire feelings and pains though, and helps reduce the extremes of the highs/lows. Only another GABA drug would stop the Clonazepam withdrawals and I will never take another again if I can avoid it. I’d be swapping one evil for another that might be easier to come off of. Um, no thank you.
I’m also a lot more comfortable knowing the MJ is more controllable. If I feel I can make it through 12 hours without another full dose, then I can eat a 10 MG store-bought gummy to keep everything a bit more steady. While I tried to find a way to make it easier to eat the homemade, and when things were excessively extreme, I ate 25 MG gummies as needed, too. Sometimes it’s what makes me sleep when the withdrawals won’t allow me to otherwise. I know from it taking us a few days to discover this, that it is hard for me to form or say a coherent sentence all ready due to the withdrawals. Any fogginess the THC may be causing is minimal compared to the smog of withdrawal. The acute dizziness, the uneven world feeling the utrical-to-Fibro brain can have, and bouncing vision, settles down enough to tolerate when I keep Meclizine on board. I have to be careful between taking my pain medication (it’ll take help to prevent withdrawals when I try to stop the Tramadol even though the MJ allows me to reduce the dose sometimes), the Meclizine, and the MJ. I don’t want something to suppress my system when I’m trying to just get through the Clonazepam withdrawals. Meclizine is an OTC, but I’m cautious about the balance of having it in my system to help my symptoms but not interact with the others. I stopped taking Advil, despite it being more helpful for managing my headaches and inflammation, because my skin is a funky paler-than-usual shade and the LED strip lights in our bedroom (soft pink lighting seems to work best with my sensitivity to light while making it easier and safer to move around) make a bunch of bruises show, so I know my anemia isn’t as under control as it had been. So I take rapid release Tylenol when appropriate instead. I will continue to take the Omeprazole since my GERD definitely isn’t under control yet, and at this point I don’t think it will be until the Tramadol is also out of my body, and I learn what techniques work to keep my anxiety under control, so I don’t churn up more acid. I’m trying really hard to eat at least a little bit whenever I can and keep the hypoglycemia under better control. Getting and finding the right dose of MJ is a game changer as long as I juggle the others right, it seems. I can only hope that it truly does see me out of the withdrawals.
If I hadn’t finally found a wealth of reliable information that can be cross checked on a rehab center’s website, I’d be so scared right now. I may be somewhat knowledgeable about medical things, but I can’t understand a lot of what is written about Clonazepam withdrawals, since they’re mostly directed at physicians because patients are supposed to never go without medical supervision and assistance when tapering off of Clonazepam. Without the rehab center’s extensive lists of different symptoms, along with understandable explanations, plus tapering information and reiterating that no one should go through this without medical help, I’d think I have a laundry list of horrific new conditions. Sometimes it feels like I’m having a heart attack, or I sound and struggle with speaking as if I had a stroke, or random parts of my body will jerk around uncontrollably for hours like I have Parkinson’s or CP, or the extreme hot and cold spells that feel like something serious is going wrong, or being so overwhelmed with physical sensations that I can’t even feel where my ear drum is when my ears itch (it literally feels like I’m touching the outer area of the ear instead of the itchy part and like everything is super swollen). There isn’t a single part of my body that has gone unscathed. It’s so crazy. It even feels like my teeth will crumble any moment. These sensations go way beyond intense and diffuse pain.
I want to add links to a few great resources for information that I found, so it’s compiled in one place. The incredible rehab center (if they were in the same state I’d honestly have probably admitted myself as soon as I discovered how much information they provide and how knowledgeable they are about how the withdrawals can go. Here is their link. Here is a link to some very helpful information (I found various items than just this, so click around if you want to learn more) about MJ if you’re in a medicinally-approved or legal state and don’t know about all the different aspects. This is another site that had additional information that we found helpful, especially since it was the first time either of us had been involved in making something with MJ. If you are in the area, I strongly recommend this dispensary. They are so helpful and knowledgeable in comparison to others we tried after I got the card…