RSS Feed

Tag Archives: Sharuf

When I’m Cranky

With all of the changes to my medication, new symptoms, and other not-so-fun details, I’ve been cranky off and on a lot lately. I’m on a new mood stabilizer and we’re titrating up to full dose, so I’m cranky when the three drugs lose their potency. Since I realized what an old fart I become, I’ve tried to either become more introverted than usual or try to find things that cheer me up. (Note: preview won’t let me check that the links work. If they don’t, please let me know and I’ll fix it as soon as I’m up.)

One such resource is the awesome Deva parodies, from MyLifeSuckers. I think we were watching some old Rhett and Link song parodies and YouTube recommended one of her parodies, and we’ve been hooked ever since. Her parody of “Look What You Made Me Do” is one of our favorites. “Bad Blood” and “Hello” follow closely behind, but honestly, we love it all. We were both subscribed after the second video and then spent a week sneaking in old videos every spare minute. *laugh* It’s impossible to stay grumpy after a few videos or even reading her blog. I hope I’m even a hundredth of what a fun and creative mom that she is, and hope to learn to not worry about others making fun of me. She is someone I really look up to.

We also watch Facts. on YouTube, but they’re not as family friendly. It’s the Irish version of BuzzFeed in some ways. Irish people have to taste test foods and drinks, try to do things while drunk, and comment on American shows that they’d never seen until the filming. It’s been fascinating to see how different taste preferences vary between countries and a lot of the people are actually comedians, so they can be real hams. My favorite episode is when they attempt to make slime for the first time. Next would be “Surgeons Playing Surgeon Simulator“. I’m pretty sure I snorted I laughed so hard the first time. *grin*

Their show often has John Sharpson on it and he has a family friend YouTube show called Sharuf, and it is such a cheerful show. Rufus Bluestuff, the monster muppet, is actually part of the inspiration for creating an actual Monster themed product line, and my hope this year is to make enough products to send a fun care package to them with lots of themed goodies. It helps that I’m obsessed with Ireland and I get all nerded out thinking about mailing a package to someone in Ireland. *laugh* I know – the weirdest things make me happy.

So, hopefully if you’re having a bout of the grumps too, you’ll check them out and find one or two that help lift your spirits. We need to pamper our hearts and minds just as much as our bodies, so I can always justify jumping down the YouTube rabbit hole. πŸ™‚

It’s Been Awhile

To start, I’m really sorry that I promised to try to get back to writing and then dropped off the face of WordPress. I really do try to keep my word, which is why I often don’t give it (knowing that my illness often ruins any plans). I’ve honestly just been in a bad place mentally and physically.

I’ve had some continued complications from the surgery back in March, which is probably partially just my Fibro finding a new place to cause havoc. I’ve also had a sinus infection for probably four months of this year, now. Three antibiotics and one round of steroids later, I am getting a brain and head CT within a few weeks just to make sure it’s all really been a sinus infection that just doesn’t want to give up. That’s a nice little thought piece to try to avoid thinking about, especially after working for a neurologist and being the voracious learner that I am. Yeah, I look forward to getting past that little test and just getting the results.

What’s really been hard is that the adoption has taken so much longer than we ever expected. There is no light in sight yet, although according to everything I read, we’re past the worst case timing scenario and should at least be in visitation, if not placement. One child we were interested in has been adopted, another has aged too far, and now we’re waiting to see what goes wrong with the young lady that we are really hoping for. This process has taken quite an emotional toll, and although it’s been an incredible learning process and we are beyond excited to get to be parents for any period of time, it’s getting harder to hold onto that bright hope. It almost hurts to go into her room and realize it’ll be around a year probably since we started work on it before she even walks into it.

For me the worst has been that we don’t have her in our lives for Christmas. Growing up with rotating holiday visitations and different family get togethers according to who has what days made me always dream of when I’d have my own tiny family unit that can have our own traditions, stay cozy and full of cheer together Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, and spoil the living daylights out of our child with surprises and loving tokens. I’ve longed for that sense of closeness, completeness, and absolute belonging. I know that sounds odd, but I’ve never really felt that I fully fit in anywhere and was always being told I had to go somewhere, or feeling obligated to do something else, or whatever. I’m loved and I belong with certain people, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve looked forward to when I’d have my little family and my own little place I’m meant to be. When I was in junior high I told my best friend that the only goal I’d hold myself to was that I wanted my own family; a husband and at least one child. For me, that’s where my life was always supposed to lead, even if I became a war correspondent, a meteorologist, creative writing teacher, or newspaper writer. I was meant to have my own family and they would be my home. When I had the dream of finally having that family Christmas as I came out of my anesthesia from surgery in March, I was filled with such peace and joy that all that I’ve been through still led me to what I felt was my meaning of life.

I know we will still have that, but it’s hard to let go of that dream, and even harder to believe that it’s taken almost the whole year all ready to try and even meet a child in need. It’s mind boggling and makes my heart hurt. Especially wondering if our daughter’s foster family loves her and is going to try to make Christmas special for her, or is she going to be looking at Christmas lights at night and wondering why no one wants her. It’s hard to let go of the conviction I had that we would have her and make this the Christmas that she felt so wanted and loved, that she would never doubt how much happiness and love she has (will, now) give us, despite the hard journeys behind and ahead of all of us.

Since these haven’t been the most uplifting of topics, and so incredibly raw, I withdrew and tried to distract myself, which left me not writing and I’ve actually missed it. I haven’t been physically capable, but at least I have a few ideas for my business in the meantime! So let’s end with some happy notes on that topic! πŸ™‚

First, I want to make “Grandma’s Roadkill Pie Soap”. Yep, I’m still morbid, but I think this should be great. Instead of trying to do the bacon slices that turned out so badly last year, I’m going to do the Maple Bacon FO in pie slice form, with little soap chunks that are either scent free or have a complimentary note. I considered Apple Spice, like one of those pork pies, you know? Or maybe Summer Ale FO, since citrusy notes go so well with pork. Since I have some scent creation strips now (I put dabs of FOs on them and can create my own scent instead of actually having to waste MLs on bad combos), I look forward to trying some different options. Next, I really want to send a little customized gift basket to a YouTube channel called “Sharuf”. It’s a fun show with an Irish entertainer and a muppet, plus guests usually. I thought some handmade items from Kansas would be fun to receive in Ireland, plus he gives shout outs on his small channel, and a lot of his followers are ironically American. I might actually get some customers. Lol Lastly, I bought a silicone spoon mold. When I explained the Spoon Theory for Fibro I told how the spoon is now a uniting symbol for Fibro sufferers. I really like the idea of making some soap spoons and even if they never sell, giving them in an informational support basket to a newly diagnosed person would be a beautiful thing. So, those are the current ideas spinning on my hamster wheels for my business, along with still wanting to do a package for Good Mythical Morning. What do you think? Are there any concepts or scent combos that you think I should try?

In the meantime, thank you for sticking with me through my journey, and always being a supportive haven for my creativity and thoughts. Pink glitter for everyone! πŸ˜‰

%d bloggers like this: