Tag Archives: Teen Adoption

My most earnest Christmas wish for this year was for us to get matched to Kiddo and have our first “forever family” Christmas. Today we were blessed with the notification that we were picked in the BIS meeting and by the Regent, and we start lining our ducks in a row this Thursday!!

I’m still in shock, I think. I start something and go sit down. After a while I remember I was doing something, go move an item or complete the task, and sit down again to just stare into space. *laugh* I spend time thinking about Christmas, since our Social Worker believes we’ll definitely have Kiddo moved in by then and able to celebrate with us (if not, daring to hope, sooner). Sometimes I wonder how those first minutes are going to be. Will they be awkward, tearfully happy, a bit of both…? And I need to get her suitcase for that first meeting, still, because my daughter isn’t putting her belongings in a trash bag to move. The knowledge that it occurs still tears me up.

In a couple days we get to go over the transition plan, which includes meeting Kiddo in person, visiting on her turf, and bringing her here for some overnighters. It varies with every situation, so who knows if it’ll take her a while to feel comfortable enough to stay overnight or if we’re all running headlong into family life.

So, although I’ve been working on product a lot (and having some EPIC fails!), those plans are getting set aside. I have some fun ones to add to my site now, but lots of my new ideas are going to wait for mother/daughter project times now. I have fun creating product, even when I fail horribly, but we’ve waited so many years for this blessing that my business is going back to being a craft now. I’ll share some of the fails with you soon, just for a good laugh and to mourn with me how pretty they looked at first. *laugh* Once I know Kiddo’s preferences I need to make some gifts for her. I also am about to hit the manic housewife mode that I need to get my house into some serious order. *grin* Do you remember when I mentioned how I have a hard time dealing with emotions? You add excitement and nerves together, and suddenly our home is good enough for us but not for bringing in Kiddo. Anyone want to paint some boards with me, take things down the ladder into the basement, or steam clean my living room? *laugh*

Beyond the insanity, it’s been a beautiful day of sharing our news. I appreciate every person who has been encouraging, uplifting, and travelled this journey with us. And for those of you who are involved and so excited, thank you for being part of this. We couldn’t have kept going if it wasn’t for all of you. Who would have thought I’d actually get my Christmas wish early? Now that I’m getting all girly and emotional I’m going to go move things around, and then sit back down again for awhile. I think Jacksepticeye is perfect for tonight’s dazed mind.

Until next time, I wish you joy and blessings. 🙂

We actually are going to talk directly to a Case Worker about one of the girls!  *happy dance*  I’ve exchanged emails with several and actually am going to miss one that taught me a whole lot on how to do the out-of-state (OOS from here on out) social work on my own, but we gave up on one of the girls that she oversees.  This time, though, we get to talk to one over the phone!  An actual mini-conference call!!  We’re still waiting to hear from the Case Worker on the Kansas girl that our Social Worker keeps trying to get hold of, because we are ready to go with the conference call and move on to the BIS to see if we can get matched with her.  However, we’ve been burned a lot in this process and kept going with the ones OOS.  We actually are seeing some progress.  I really needed to know that someone is actually interested in us.  It’s an amazing boost during a very difficult time.  Anyway, this teen is in MO, which would really help with some of the costs.  To top it off another Case Worker for a tween in OH that I really, really like too is interested.  

I finally learned from that amazing Case Worker that taught me so much to actual write follow up emails when we don’t get responses after submitting inquiries on the adoption website.  At first I was so robotic and intimidated, honestly.  It finally clicked that I’m turning in our parenting resume (apparently the system believes we should do away with the accent; sorry!), so now I write inquiry emails that address all of the seldom-mentioned needs and desires we can fulfill that are in the profile, or what things we do that would mesh well with the teen’s personality.  I also attach our Home Study, but if I manage to get their attention with the inquiry email letters, they always want another copy.  I think it’s to keep a paper trail that they requested and it wasn’t a voluntary submission, but I’m just faking this whole social worker stuff, so got me.  *grin*  These follow ups have gotten us attention for a couple of girls, so we may actually have a decent chance of adopting now that I’ve learned so much about this.  So…go me!  *laugh*

It’s no secret I’ve been nesting for well over a year now and I really want her room finished, which would mean that I could also get the gym/storage room done finally, too.  (My big wood desk we got when I started my first business will have some surgery and is going from what was my office to her room, and my office will finish the transformation.)  We will have an area for Kiddo to be active and exercise in the evening if she’s still feeling energetic or if she needs to burn off some emotions.  It’ll also be nice to not have Eddie in the living room and when you turn, before memory kicks in, for a scary moment there’s a really buff dude hanging out in the dark by the window.  *laugh*  So he will go into the gym and stop startling people.  Just yesterday we finally figured out how we want to change the desk after I drew up a variety of hastily made blueprints with different options.  So one more decision down.

We also both agreed that we still want to do what we always planned on if I’d gotten pregnant – I’m going to home school.  I talked to our Social Worker about it and she provided information later on about the Kansas branch of Connections Academy, which is an online public school that is approved and can work with the mild IEPs our Kiddo may have.  The more I read about the curriculum, watch unsolicited user reviews on YouTube, and the built in socialization they brilliantly worked into the program.  Attending online classes and working on assignments together (deja vu to my Victim’s Advocacy Certification course *grin*), plus parents can look in the private directory and reach out to those nearby to see about doing extra field trips together or respite or just a teen play date (what do you call those even?!).  On top of it, annually they have a set get together for any Academy user families to attend if they’d like, to make connections, assist with more socialization, and even learn from some instructors on ways to handle situations that may arise in schooling (etc.), while the kids and teens get to do some really fun activities led by teachers, like scavenger hunts.  We didn’t think that this would be an option since so much is out of our control, but because we have a built in socialization group in our support system with lots of plans for ways to increase her exposure to kids going to the local schools if she wants to get back into standard public schooling at the start of the next school year, plus the socialization built into this school, we get to actually parent one aspect the way we always dreamed of.  There are so many subject tie in projects, field trips, and shows that I’ve written out, that I’m actually super excited.  *laugh* 

Pure nerd, I know.  Plus, I originally was either going to be a journalist or a Creative Writing Teacher originally, before my life veered the other direction, and that part of me is so into the thought of planning things out to make sure that Kiddo is at least caught up to her grade if not beyond them, by the time that school year ends.  *crossing fingers*  Doing this allows me time for extra bonding with Kiddo and to set time aside for us to work through trauma, healthy boundaries, and such, and will help her establish a safe feeling of home and family before facing lots of new people again, which could trigger some of their issues (and I hope that we can decrease that chance at least somewhat).  This program has a great success rate with being prepared for college, the workforce, or a military career, with an impressive amount being approved for college that tried.  Shoot, we can watch an episode of Warehouse 13 and then research the real mythology or past of the “artifact” from the show!  There are SO many learning opportunities and with my mom’s extensive knowledge about St. Joseph, MO’s historical locations, we can even do a history field trip in one day that could bring history alive for Kiddo.  That’s exactly what worked for me, when we visited out here while living in CA still.  Going into the Pony Express Museum and seeing/reading everything about the gunslingers made it all connect that history is full of real people and lives, not just facts.  That light bulb moment.  Whatever subject it is in, and however much time and effort it takes, I don’t care, but I really hope to be the one that is there for that transformation.  I’m smiling like the proud parent of a newborn just thinking about it.  *shaking head at self*  

There has been so much pain and waiting that getting back to a point to start making the rest of the decisions is a beautiful thing.  And the fact that we can home school as we always dreamed?  Language is insufficient for the happiness and excitement it brings me.  Although our path wound more than any theme park trail, we get to keep some of the core choices of parenting.  I would be an incredibly happy and blessed mom to be able to adopt any of these three girls that are currently an actual possibility.   We have other inquiries out, but each of these has something special that others don’t, at least for me.  I knew that a person could fall in love with more than one person in their lifetime.  I never knew how much the heart could expand to love so many at least a little bit.  Or that I could fall in love with these young lives just by reading their life and personality story.  Excuse me while I regain my vision after that sudden little rain storm.  It’s also a bit weird to think that I’ll have all ready started to love Kiddo before we know it’s even her.  And that I still hold a special spot in my heart for each girl who has touched our lives just a bit.  I’m really ready to get closer to filling the rest of my heart with Kiddo, though.  

And make a few more decisions as soon as possible.  🙂 

Who would have thought that Dolly Parton’s classic song would have a lyric that would thoroughly apply to adoption?  *laugh*  I don’t know that many would call me sane anyway, but this process is pushing me closer to the bonkers edge, that’s for sure.  

We met our new Social Worker in person this past Friday and I’m really tickled to have such an awesome SW now.  She patiently answered the tons of questions I had come up with since things started going downhill with the previous SW, actually finalized our Home Study so it’s officially legal (it’s those little things that take 9 months and a new worker that makes me happy *laugh*), and was actually really nice.  Unlike the previous SW she really liked Kiddo’s room and loves the idea of it being move-in-ready, plus she loves the sayings and encouraging projects I hung or placed around the room.  She even liked my label maker obsession, so that Kiddo can find what she wants without having to ask, in case she’s feeling shy or uncomfortable (I can’t tell you how many times I wanted something to drink but was too shy to ask where the glasses were and never want Kiddo to go through that as she adjusts to her new home).  Several ticks that were previously against us got changed to strengths that we have, so that really helped me feel better about how we stand as an adopting family.

Unfortunately, just as our expected time frame for prospective child placement was about to come up, it got pushed off by another year.  That was a hard one to handle without either crying or wanting to start burning to prevent any anger from building up.  It is what it is, but just felt like a hit to the gut that it may be a whole extra year, making it 2.5 years in the process.  As usual, it is up to what time brings and see what happens.  Some days I get really tired of being “paperwork pregnant”, as many women refer to the adoption process.  Always something new to fill out or to read.  Thankfully I have all ready read several of the suggested reading “homework” we were given and the fact that I’m learning directly from the blog of what they consider an adoption expert went a long way.  And I’ve been blessed with making a new friend through my latest interest in SL photography who turns out to work with IEP and Special Ed children, so if our Kiddo has any educational needs that I’m unsure how to work with, I have a resource ready to provide research and encouragement.  So despite it all, there are blessings underneath it all.  

All of it opened up some unexpected pathways to us and also helped us make some clear decisions on what we will pursue/not pursue.  We’ve been pretty open minded throughout this, except for making sure this is a safe home for the possible adoptee, and this helped us widen our ideal traits list, while ruling out some other options that opened to us (I wouldn’t have made it through figuring out what was best in that possible situation, so thank you Dawn for helping me, if you’re reading this!!).  We are now considering tweens instead of strictly teens, which is a big change of thinking in some ways.  We actually formally decided to put our hat in the ring on one and they’re even in our state, so the fundraising would be used for school supplies and maybe even a tiny trip to celebrate that allows us some time away to bond as a family, before regular life begins, if we get picked.  

We’ve gone to the next step on others before and gotten so hurt that I can’t help but be nervous, plus we have so many out-of-state that are in flux, that I feel like my heart is being pulled in so many directions.  And the nice part to a tween is if it takes the year for the process to actually finalize, she won’t be about to graduate without a true chance to bond to become her forever family.  *sigh*  This process is just mind boggling and frustrating.  I just changed my hair color and I bet you within a couple days I’m going to find some white hairs from all of this.  *laugh*  

In the meantime I’ve stopped the puzzle piece fundraising, especially if it may be a year still, and we have no idea where we stand on the OOS young ladies we’ve been working toward.  I just know I’m ready to complete our family and that there are way too many children/teens out there that we, as a society, have turned away from.  Hopefully in the next few years Kiddo and I can start a fundraiser to get backpacks or suitcases for kids, and at least eradicate the trash bag scenario within a couple counties near us.  If we can help raise some awareness and advocate for these children, maybe the “village” will come back together to help take care of our lost children.  For a child to bounce so often that they haven’t had a stable enough living condition to get the grant to get their free braces is a disgrace, or is a grade behind because they didn’t have enough continual days in school since they were in flux for so long; it’s unacceptable that we have allowed the process to become this way.  We are mostly just uninformed of how all of this is handled.  So hopefully I’ll be able to advocate on several parts and gain enough voices to join mine to get us heard.  Anyway, I’ll step off my soap box and put it away for the moment.  *smile*

I’ll break my nails holding onto my patience waiting to see what comes our way next, but at least my hope is stronger today.  A flashlight in the dark.  Or the train getting closer on a circle track, as L commented to me.  If the train is coming again, at least I know I can get back up again and dust myself off while I wait for the next step of the path.  I survived a lot of things, but for a while I didn’t think I’d survive this process.  Right now I am back to the strength I had a year ago and have some hope, so “we’ll see”.  *grin*

3/15/18

Dear Kiddo,

            Well, I’ve had the “It’s a Girl” banner up for three and a half months now.  In two days it will be a solid year since we started this journey to find and meet you.  In a way it all feels so unreal now.  The paperwork was turned in some time ago, then fixed and turned in again; we made your room move-in-ready and I have a bag full of paint cards for you to go through to decide what color would make it truly your room; and I have way too many party ideas to go through with you for any party you want to have.   Well, one has to be a glow in the dark party because, um, it’s glow in the dark and I really want to be at that kind of party for the first time in my own life.  *laugh*

            I opened the door to your room and find that it’s getting harder to imagine having my own daughter in there.  Clothes and knickknacks strewn about, papers on your desk, and you laying on the bed fast asleep with your tablet still in your hand.  Abby will probably be curled up with you, since she dashes into your room the moment the door is cracked open and jumps up on the bed to see what’s going on. 

What kind of music will I hear playing on your echo?  Will you tell me who your latest crush is or which school subject you think is so lame?  Will there be enough time for us to help you believe in love; enough time to help you truly believe that you have been wanted for a long time and although you’ll be our chosen child, you will never be replaceable? 

We were so ready and excited to have you come into our lives.  Right now it feels like we put our wishes and dreams into a bottle and it’s just floating around in the ocean, bobbing along with the current.   It’s getting hard to believe that our bottle will ever make it.  Sometimes my faith in the process is difficult to cling to and I lose my way.  Then I see an ad for prom dresses or some commercial of a daughter hugging her mom right before she walks down the aisle, and I have this little flare of hope that we will someday have these moments together.  I’m trying hard to keep that hope alive despite the delays.

We wanted to make sure to find, meet, and start visitations before school ends this semester, so that you can have the summer with us to adjust to your new life and hopefully work through the trauma of change, leading to some attachment before the new school year starts.  School is stressful enough; I don’t want to make this harder for you, even though there’s a part of me that is completely selfish and doesn’t want to think about anything beyond moving you in as soon as we possibly can regardless of when it is.  I’m not sure if there will be enough time to have the ideal plan play out.  Although I hope we know that it’s you as soon as we see your profile, I know that it’s not likely.  The likelihood that you’re the first child we proceed to the BIS for is nearly nonexistent.  I’d fill out every scrap of the mountain of paperwork again if it’d help us get past the delay and resume our journey.

I pray for you every night.  I hope you’re happy and safe; I hope that some tiny part of your heart can believe that we are waiting for the chance to find you.  We just need that chance – we promise to not stop until you are home.  We will spend the rest of our lives loving you, no matter how hard it is for you to believe.  No matter how hard this journey is.  And I’m putting this out in the world so that you will someday have proof that you are worth every moment, every fear, and every tear.  You’re worth dreaming about and waiting for.