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Monthly Archives: May 2018

Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges Recipe by Leah

Posted on May 21, 2018 by Georgia's Pampering

Leahs New Logo

 

Potato Perfection!  The potatoes are crispy with gooey cheese, served with a creamy ranch dipping sauce.  Want to win over a crowd?  Serve these!

 

Ah

 

Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges

 

INGREDIENTS

12 slices bacon

4 lbs russet potatoes

2 Tbsp melted butter

2 tsp salt

1 tsp garlic powder

1/2 tsp smoked paprika

8oz sharp cheddar cheese, shredded

8 oz aged white cheddar cheese, shredded

1 bunch scallions, diced

your favorite ranch dip

 

PREPARATION

  1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.
  2. Cook bacon crisp and rough chop.  Set aside. Reserve bacon fat.
  3. Cut potatoes into uniform-size wedges.  Place potatoes in a large bowl and add bacon fat, melted butter, salt, garlic powder, and smoked paprika.  Toss well to coat.
  4. Pour out potatoes onto a sheet pan in a single layer and roast for 15 minutes.  Flip and roast for another 10-15 minutes, or until browned and cooked through.
  5. Cover the potatoes with white cheddar cheese, then bacon, then sharp cheddar cheese.  Place the pan back in the oven for 2-3 minutes to melt the cheese.
  6. Sprinkle with scallions and serve with ranch dipping sauce.

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My Brain is on Vacation

Posted on May 19, 2018 by Georgia's Pampering

Thankfully my health held out enough to attend Miss Ash’s graduation party.  It was so beautiful to see her step into the adult world and made me want to tear up a second time when I realized we would be doing this with Kiddo pretty quickly, since they seem to be getting older.  A few years and then I better campaign local colleges well.  *grin*

 

I will be seeing a new ENT this next week to see if he can correct the previously botched septoplasty and maybe help me not get infections continually.  Maybe I’ll get lucky and he will prescribe something to get over this upper respiratory infection finally, too.  Since the day my ex back handed punched my nose I haven’t been able to take a full breath, so it’ll be amazing if they agree to fix what was done wrong years back.  I’m crossing my fingers.  I’d cross my eyes too, “…but my mama said they’d stay that way, so I can’t”.  *laugh*

 

Things went all sorts of wacky with the adoption stuff last week and I can’t go into much of it.  However, we have a few good steps in with a few girls, so we might have a chance of moving Kiddo in before school starts.  I’m trying to learn to stay a bit detached while at this stage, despite my excitement and hope, because this is just becoming killer for me emotionally.  I packed up some of the things I had out, just to help not surround me with thoughts and fears, since I do that to myself enough without help.  *laugh* We will, however, be working on her desk come holiday weekend and will hopefully have that done and moved into her room.  Then I can finish the transformation into a makeshift gym in my office.  I think it’s part of finishing my nesting, but psych was definitely not the field of medicine I was interested in, so who knows.  We get a few more things done and the house is completely ready for Kiddo (inside) and ready for her personalization of her room, even.  We’re just a bit unsure about this traveling possibility.

 

Thankfully adopting from foster care is cheap, if not free, but now that we are looking at matches as far away as Georgia, we have to figure in covering the cost to travel to meet and at least another for moving, if not another transitional visit.  That’s a lot of travel expenses!  Although we won’t be doing a few of the fundraisers that I was working on, we will soon be asking for donations for puzzle pieces!  I have three adoption sayings that are being printed and then cut into puzzles, and then we will ask (request, plead, beg…y’know, I have no pride left anymore anyway lol) for a $10 donation for a puzzle piece.  I’ll write the donor’s information on the back of a piece and I’ve raised a donation for the whole puzzle I will laminate it, and then do one of those wild frames where it’s glass on both sides and dangles down to look at, so the phrase is visible, but so are the names and tiny messages for the incredibly generous people who are helping cover these above-and-beyond costs for us.  I read up on a lot of these puzzle fundraisers and some are over $100 per piece, but I’m a small time gal and can’t imagine asking that kind of donation so I can write your name on a puzzle piece.  That one kind of boggles my mind, but massive kudos to the adopter that managed that!!  I don’t have nearly enough empowerment compared to you, madam!  Anyway, I’ll have shots of the puzzles once I get them in a few weeks and will start a little campaign for donations, although I won’t be spamming the blog for them after the first one, so don’t worry about that.  I just hope you’ll help spread the word for me and maybe if someone can afford that little bit extra, I’d be grateful to you both.  I’m trying to learn this whole funding donation site stuff, so I’ll have that all squared away in time for the puzzle piece project.  Goodness knows I pay via phone app constantly, so I plan to give a way to donate online for people like me.   *grin*

 

In the meantime, my mind is whirling on so many subjects and working through so many feelings, and I’m fighting this infection along with coming off of a medication that I discovered was the cause of a lot of the worsening of symptoms in the past 6 months.  Thankfully I love to research and advocate for my care, otherwise I might as pick out my hospital linens now.  There was no explanation for what was happening until I stumbled across this problem with the drug and the medications that are used due to my condition itself.  I’d rather have hypertension than catch hospital acquired pneumonia and die before I can unite our little family finally.  I have lots of projects, but I’m so restless I can’t stick to anything and don’t really have a lot of interest for watching shows.  It’s like the front half of my brain hamsters are on steroids and the back half are getting tossed back to the bottom of the wheel with each revolution because they’re laying there, panting and worn out, then a sudden thud that knocks the wind out of them as they slam back down.  *laugh* The words are useless unless I can paint a picture to get the idea across.  *wink*  So expect some random posts, most likely.  *grin*

 

By the way, have you ever thought that Stranger Things is kind of the new version of Goonies©?  Chunk is now a Rep and in his forties.  I guess we have to let the new generation have their own Goonies©.  I’m not giving up my original Newsies©.  It may be over a quarter of a decade, but my Kiddo is going to watch it and love the 18 year old Christian Bale, just mark my words.  LOL Yeah, one of the few things I listen to as I wander between projects.  “Never fear, Brooklyn’s here!”©

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Crispy Smashed Roasted Potatoes with Dill Aioli Recipe by Leah

Posted on May 17, 2018 by Georgia's Pampering

Leahs New Logo

 

 

This potato dish is mostly make-ahead.  I’ve prepared them in the morning, stuck them in the refrigerator, and roasted them when I got home at the end of the day.  They feel fancy, taste good, and have a simple list of ingredients that I always have on hand.

 

 

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Crispy Smashed Roasted Potatoes with Dill Aioli

INGREDIENTS

Dill Aioli

1/3 cup + 1 Tbsp olive oil mayonnaise

1 1/2 Tbsp lemon juice

3/4 tsp dried dill

1/8 tsp garlic powder

salt, to taste

Potatoes

15 yellow potatoes (about 1 1/2 to 2 inches in diameter)

2 3/4 tsp kosher salt

1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil

PREPARATION

Dill Aioli

Combine all the ingredients and stir together.  Chill until ready to use.

Potatoes

  1. Put the potatoes in a large saucepan and cover with at least an inch of water.  Add 2 tsp kosher salt to the water.  Bring the water to a boil over high heat, reduce to a simmer, and cook the potatoes until they are completely tender and can be easily pierced with a metal or wood skewer.  Make sure they are cooked through but don’t overcook.
  2. While the potatoes are cooking set up a layer of clean dishtowels on your countertop.  As the potatoes finish cooking, remove them individually from the water, and let them drain and sit for just a minute or two on the dishtowels.
  3. Using another dishtowel, gently press down on one potato with the palm of your hand.  They don’t need to be flattened much, just make sure they’ve opened.  Repeat with remaining potatoes.
  4. Lay parchment paper on a rimmed baking sheet.  Transfer the potatoes carefully to the baking sheet and let them cool completely at room temperature. Refrigerate or roast.
  5. Preheat the oven to 450 degrees F.  Sprinkle the potatoes with about 3/4 tsp salt and pour the olive oil over them.  Lift the potatoes gently to make sure some of the oil goes underneath them and that they are well coated on both sides.
  6. Roast the potatoes until they’re crispy and deep brown around the edges, about 30-40 minutes.  Turn over once gently with a spatula or tongs halfway through cooking.  Serve hot with the chilled aioli for dipping.

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Inside Out Inspired Meal by Leah

Posted on May 14, 2018 by Georgia's Pampering

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(Before the recipe, Inside Out is copyrighted by Walt Disney Pictures, via Pixar Animation Studios, which are all trademarked.  This recipe is inspired by the movie, but all characters and descriptions belong to Walt Disney Pictures.  They will not be marked individually, so this is a blanket statement of being inspired by their creations.)

 

Our Inside Out Disney Dinner was more a of a feast than a dinner.  When the movie first came out in theaters Disney reworked some of their Disneyland recipes to fit the theme of the movie.  That was so fun to me!  We have eaten some fantastic meals at Disneyland, so I’m always excited to try one of the Disney parks recipes.  I knew when we were planning the Inside Out movie night I’d want to find those recipes.  I’m so glad I did.  They were delicious!

 

 

Joy was Joy’s More-is-More S’mores  

Sadness was Sadness’s No-Cry-Comfort Food Mac and Cheese 

Disgust was Is-That-Broccoli? Pizza

Anger was Anger’s Hot-Headed Tuna 

Fear was Fear’s Panko-Protected Long Beans

 

 

Creative, aren’t they?  We also added some cotton candy for Bing Bong and multicolored sixlets for thought bubbles.

We enjoyed all of the recipes.  The macaroni and cheese was appreciated by both the children and adults.  The broccoli pizza was surprisingly good.  More surprisingly, my children didn’t pick the broccoli off, but actually ate it.  The tuna was “exploding in flavor”.  We’ll be making that one again soon.  The long beans were tasty, but I didn’t think they were worth the effort.  My family disagreed.  Our favorite, by far, was the S’mores bake.  That was unbelievably good.  Every single one of us said we were too full to have much dessert, ate our portion, and then went back for seconds!

 

 

 

Inside Out 1

 

Joy’s More is More S’mores

Chocolate and marshmallows fresh out of the oven just ooze happiness, right?

Inspired by the S’mores Bake at Disneyland Park’s Big Thunder Ranch Barbecue

yield: 8 servings

 

INGREDIENTS

1 (10.5 oz) box fudge brownie mix

1 (1 lb) bag large marshmallows

1/4 cup plus 2 Tbsp hot fudge sauce, warmed

8 graham crackers

 

PREPARATION

  1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.  Spray a 9×13 cake pan with cooking spray.  Prepare brownie batter per package directions and pour into prepared cake pan.  Bake 20-22 minutes, or until a wooden pick inserted in the center comes out with moist crumbs clinging to it.
  2. Turn oven to broil.
  3. Place marshmallows over brownies.  Leaving oven door ajar, place marshmallow-topped brownies under broiler 1 1/2 – 2 minutes or until marshmallows are golden brown, watching very closely to avoid burning.
  4. Drizzle hot fudge sauce over top of toasted marshmallows.
  5. Take half of the graham crackers and break them into planks; crush other half of graham crackers into crumbs.
  6. Sprinkle crushed graham crackers over top of toasted marshmallows, and place graham cracker planks randomly into toasted marshmallows.  Serve immediately.

 

***

 

Inside Out 2

 

Sadness’s No-Cry Comfort Food Macaroni & Cheese

For those times you need a good cry, try this mac.  With its FOUR cheeses, it’s better than tears.

Inspired by the Macaroni & Cheese at Disney’s Animal Kingdom Lodge Jiko – The Cooking Place

yield: 4-6 servings

 

 

INGREDIENTS

3 Tbsp unsalted butter

3 Tbsp all-purpose flour

2 1/2 cups whole milk

1/4 tsp coarse salt

8 oz shredded Italian four-cheese blend

1/4 tsp ground black pepper

1 lb elbow macaroni, cooked and kept warm

 

PREPARATION

  1. Melt the butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat.  Add flour, strring until combined.  Cook, stirring frequently, for 5 minutes, or until golden (do not let brown).
  2. Add milk to butter mixture, whisking until completely smooth.
  3. Simmer mixture, stirring frequently, until sauce coats the back of a spoon, 5-8 minutes.
  4. Add cheese to saucepan in bathches, stirring until completely melted.  Add salt and pepper, stirring to combine.
  5. Place cooked macaroni in a large bowl.  Add cheese sauce, stirring to combine.  Serve immediately.

 

 

***

 

Inside Out 5

 

Disgust’s Is-That-Broccoli? Pizza

While broccoli normally triggers Disgust’s defenses, this version passes inspection.

Inspired by the “Congratulations San Francisco, You’ve Ruined Pizza” at Pixar Animation Studios’ Luxo Cafe

yield: 10-inch pizza

 

INGREDIENTS

store-bought pizza dough

1/2 can San Marzano tomatoes

1/4 head broccoli, cut into bite-sized pieces

1/2 garlic clove, smashed and minced

1/2 garlic clove, thinly sliced

2 oz marinara sauce

semolina

zest and juice from 1/4 lemon

grated mozzarella cheese

chile flakes

Parmesan reggiano

sea salt, to taste

extra virgin olive oil, to taste

 

PREPARATION

San Marzano Tomatoes

Drain a 1/2 can of San Marzano tomatoes and slice in half carefully.  Squeeze seeds out and grate the “meat” of the tomatoes on a box grater.  Season with sea salt and olive oil to taste.  Add 1/2 garlic clove, smashed and minced.

Slow-Cooked Broccoli

Heat 1 tsp of olive oil in a large saute pan.  Add garlic and cook until fragrant, about 20 seconds.  Add broccoli, chile flake, and enough olive oil to coat.  Turn heat to low and cook, stirring occasionally until broccoli is cooked, but still has texture.  Fold in lemon zest and season to taste with lemon juice and salt.

Assembling Pizza

Heat oven to 425 degrees F.  Arrange store-bought pizza dough on a peel with a generous dusting of semolina.  Spread 2 oz marinara over dough.  Sprinkle grated mozzarella cheese over the top to taste, then finish with chile flakes and broccoli.  Place in the oven on a pre-heated pizza stone or sheet tray.  Bake until the dough is cooked to your liking and the cheese is melted.  Grate fresh parmesan reggiano cheese over the pizza and serve.

 

***

 

Inside Out 3

 

Anger’s Hot-Headed Tuna

It’s exploding with flavor – those Sichuan peppercorns have the same fiery spirit that fuels Anger.

Inspired by the Citrus & Sichuan Peppercorn-Crusted Yellow fin Tuna Loin with Vegetables and Carrot Coconut-Curried Infusion at Disney’s Boardwalk Resort Flying Fish Cafe.

yield: 4 servings

 

INGREDIENTS

peppercorn crust

2 Tbsp Sichuan peppercorns

1 tsp turbinado sugar or raw sugar

1 orange, zested and juiced

1 lemon, zested and juiced

1 lime, zested and juiced

1/2 tsp, coarse salt

crusted tuna

4 (6 oz) tuna loin steaks

2 Tbsp canola oil, divided

Citrus-Sichuan Peppercorn Crust

Fresh Cilantro for garnish, optional

 

INSTRUCTIONS

peppercorn crust

  1. Pulse-grind Sichuan peppercorns in a small grinder until coarse ground.  Add turbinado or raw sugar, pulse to blend and slightly grind.
  2. Combine zest of orange, lemon, and lime in small mixing bowl.
  3. Add ground Sichuan peppercorn-sugar mixture to zest.  Add coarse salt and blend well.  Set aside.

crusted tuna

  1. Place large non-stick saute pan over high heat.  While pan is heating, lightly coat tuna steaks with 1 Tbsp canola oil and lightly dust evenly with prepared citrus-Sichuan peppercorn crust.  Do not overcoat.
  2. Add 1 Tbsp canola oil to pan and immediately add tuna steaks.  Cook evenly on both sides to create a well-caramelized crust, about 2-3 minutes, watching carefully to avoid burning.  Remove from pan and transfer to a small sheet pan to rest.  Tuna is best done rare to medium-rare.  For more well-done, finish off in a 375 degree F oven.
  3. Slice tuna steaks on bias.
  4. Garnish with cilantro as desired.  Serve immediately.

 

***

 

 

Inside Out 4

 

Fear’s Panko-Protected Long Beans

Vegetables? Never Fear.  Fried to a golden brown – this one is mouth-wateringly risk free.

Inspired by the Panko Crusted Chinese Long Beans with Sriracha Mayonnaise at Disneyland Hotel Trader Sam’s Enchanted Tiki Bar

yield: 4 servings

 

INGREDIENTS

1 cup all-purpose flour

1 Tbsp seafood spice

1 Tbsp cornstarch

1 tsp garlic powder

1 tsp onion powder

1/2 tsp coarse salt

4 eggs, beaten

1/8 tsp freshly ground black pepper

3/4 lb Chinese long beans or thin green beans, cut into 4-inch long pieces

2 cups panko (Japanese bread crumbs)

coarse salt, to taste

 

PREPARATION

  1. Combine flour, seafood spice, cornstarch, garlic powder, onion powder, salt and pepper in a shallow bowl.
  2. Line a baking sheet with paper towels; set aside.
  3. Pour oil in a deep pot to a depth of 1-inch.  Heat over medium-high heat to 350 degrees F.
  4. Moisten long beans; dredge in flour mixture.  Dip in beaten eggs, then roll in panko.
  5. Working in batches, gently place in hot oil until golden brown about 2-3 minutes, using tongs or a slotted spoon to gently turn beans every 45 seconds.
  6. Transfer fried beans to prepared baking sheet and season lightly with salt.

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National Invisible Illnesses Day

Posted on May 12, 2018 by Georgia's Pampering

Today I want to share a few pieces to help raise awareness; an encouraging one, one humorous, one to hopefully help others understand the “what”, and last is a link to an incredibly well-written and brave blog post about going from being a very active person to disabled by invisible diseases, with an insight into how “kind and helpful” comments can be very hurtful for those with invisible illnesses that can not be cured at this time. Some lucky people get to go into remission or were misdiagnosed; for most of us this is the new life we are forced to accept.

Some days this is exactly how it seems. *laugh*

And last, but not least, Jamison Writes’s blog post: “This is Why Exercise Can’t Cure Illness“.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and learn a little bit, if you’re unfamiliar with these illnesses; with a big Spoonie non-touching hug of encouragement to those who had to mourn their original lives and take it day by day. I wish I could give an extra two spoons to all Spoonies, so that we can shower and not have to rest afterward today!

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Dump Cake Recipe by Leah

Posted on May 11, 2018 by Georgia's Pampering

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Grandmothers’ kitchens are always so special, aren’t they?  They seem to be imbued with love, tenderness, and warmth.  My grandmother was Dutch and fit ALL the stereotypes of a Dutch woman: strong (in body and spirit), thrifty, resourceful, tall, addicted to cheese, and an excellent baker.  Though she made her fair share of traditional Dutch desserts, this cake is one she picked up later in life.  It became one of her favorites, both for flavor and ease of preparation.  The smell is amazing!  Best of all, smelling this cake immediately takes me right back to my grandmother’s kitchen.

 

 

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Dump Cake

Yield: approx 18 servings

INGREDIENTS

2 cans (about 40 oz total) crushed pineapple

2 cans (about 40 oz total) Comstock Cherry Pie Filling

1 pkg yellow cake mix

3/4 cup butter

PREPARATION

  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F and grease a 9×13-inch pan.
  2. Gently press out some of the pineapple juice.  Pour crushed pineapple and remaining juice into the pan and spread.
  3. Pour cherry pie filling over the pineapple and spread.
  4. Pour cake powder over the cherries and dot the butter over the top.  Bake for 1 hour.  If you want it Grandma-style serve with a generous scoop of vanilla ice cream.

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Cheddar Garlic Bread Recipe by Leah

Posted on May 8, 2018 by Georgia's Pampering

Leahs New Logo

 

I love bread and cheese!  It’s a little embarrassing to admit but I could eat it at every meal.  It certainly wouldn’t be the healthiest choice but I’ve definitely been tempted.  This bread is lovely because it comes together quickly and has a fantastic cheesy, garlicky flavor.

 

 

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Cheddar Garlic Bread

INGREDIENTS

3 cups all-purpose flour

1 Tbsp baking powder

1 tsp salt

1 tsp garlic powder

2 Tbsp sugar

2 1/2 cups grated extra sharp cheddar cheese, divided

12 oz ginger ale

PREPARATION

  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F and grease a 9 1/4-inch loaf pan.
  2. Mix together flour, baking powder, salt, garlic powder, and sugar.  Mix in  2 1/4 cups cheese.  Add ginger ale and mix well.
  3. Spoon into the bread pan.  Top with remaining 1/4 cup cheese and bake for about 50 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.
  4. Let bread sit in the pan for 10 minutes before inverting the bread to cool on a wire rack.

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Legacy

Posted on May 7, 2018 by Georgia's Pampering

Nearly twenty years ago he left his legacy, quietly lurking in the darkest shadows under the scars where I spent years slowly stitching my heart and faith back together.

Sometimes, when my emotions dip unexpectedly and exceptionally low, the whispers slither out of the darkness and into my mind. I’ve spent years learning how to cope, trauma techniques, all of it. There’s no training for the whispers in the shadows.

Long ago he’d mete out a “lesson” and at the end was a whisper that he knew would hurt deeper than any punch or kick. He figured out what meant the most to me and he’d attack that. A few words at a time. Then add a few more, a few more. They build up to create this huge injury that so many work to fix and most of it is beautiful in its scars and stitches, because every stitch is a healing moment or regaining power. I don’t know if anyone can ever quiet the whispers when I hurt the most.

When I learned this morning that the girl who’d inspired our going national with the adoption, the one whose case worker responded so quickly, was going to be adopted the ground dropped out from under me. I know there are the others, with two responses that I’m waiting on info from our SW to give to them, but she was the one I could actually picture in our lives. While grasping that tiny flame of hope, I had to cope in the only way that I do. I work myself until I collapse. My doctors hate it, and it’s not exactly pleasant, but it’s what keeps me sane.

As I sat praying and crying yet again I felt too sore to keep praying. It’s hard to explain. And I don’t handle complicated emotion well. I’m the first to admit that. So I got my gloves on and intended to just get a few hits out to let loose of the anger of it happening and taking away that happy moment. With the first uppercut I heard the whisper, so clearly, and was trembling in front of him again. Eddie, my boxing buddy, is named after Bastard and maybe that wasn’t as therapeutic as I thought it would be…because, with my arm pulled back and ready, that whisper cut through me. “You’re not good enough to ever be a mother. You couldn’t even keep Sierra through one hit. You never even got past a month with the others. You’ll never be a mother. God knows you failed Sierra.”

Absolutely shattered I tore into him and hit so hard I was holding myself up with my forehead on his chest, so I could keep hitting his stomach and sides. It took a few minutes to realize that the strange noise I heard was coming from me. A deranged mixture of sobbing and screaming.

I had meant to stay quiet so that I wouldn’t disturb L, since he was trying to sleep for tonight’s shift. Apparently creepy howls are difficult for him to sleep through. If only I’d known that when he was snoring…*small smile*

I just kept hearing those whispers, even as L pulled me against him so that I’d stop hurting myself by trying to hit anymore. I’d rather have physical pain than emotional. One of the few “lessons” that actually became a coping mechanism that is debatably healthy. I’m lucky that L knows what it means when I say that it’s just like “his whispers…they’re coming true…” And he gentled the worst of the storm. He’s the first guy I ever met that could handle, even before he understood them, those dark shadows and he’s the one who helped stitch me up. Despite it all, he can’t always quiet the whispers.

So I worked. I keep the house clean enough that it’s still healthy to live in, but on an average day there’s a lot that is left to be desired. And until I grow wings I will never care about the dust on the ceiling fan blades. Sorry, not sorry. But today I threw myself into it from one room to the next like it was the old days, before I became disabled. (Yeah, I know you other Spoonies are shaking your head, knowing the storm that’s edging in.) I have one room to really organize, which I couldn’t, since it’s where he was sleeping. Eight hours in and two doses of my anxiety med, and the whispers are finally getting quieter.

Tomorrow, if I can move my arms, I may sketch in his scars lightly. Immersion therapy. I just don’t know if the actual therapy can work until I truly believe we have a chance at one of the girls we want not getting adopted when we show interest. It’s getting a bit excessive now, with it happening out of state even. I think at one point I screamed at Eddie that they shouldn’t be marked as available if the foster parents may want to adopt if someone else is interested. It’s like saying today’s special is rocky road ice cream, but sorry, we don’t sell that. So I’ll have to text my therapist and ask about which is the best coping technique for this.

The whispers don’t usually last this long. They’re cut into my soul, but thankfully I can usually keep them buried in the shadows. I’ve succeeded a bit with “being the Ice Queen that can’t give or be loved”, although that was a rocky recovery and somehow L found the one thing that silenced that whisper (our vow renewal tattoos). I’d never have thought of it honestly.

I don’t know how to quiet these whispers for good. I’m going to work on meditation to start building the wall around the damaged area, yet again, because at some point I unthinkingly stopped messing with meditating about reinforcing the damaged zones. We have two other responses in the meantime, although we can’t act on them until we get the info from Kansas, and maybe with time one of them will feel more right. Or maybe one of the others’ case workers will like us. While we wait to get the information and see what the future holds on the others, it’s time to find a way to quiet the whispers. I know that my trauma would be mostly fixed by becoming a parent, and getting rid of that deep seated fear of never having the one goal I ever set in life, but it’s still trauma that I need to work on now.

The legacy of abuse. You will never see the bite marks, the scars in my hair, the broken vessels that the doctors say won’t heal, and you might not even notice that I have problems hearing certain pitches from being hit in the ears so often. You’ll only know about the broken nose, because I need to get a second septoplasty done soon. You won’t understand why some words instantly make me shut down; you won’t understand why someone who talks a lot about limitations is doing an insane amount of cleaning and packing things away for “maybe someday”. The legacy of true evil is to tear someone apart so completely that they may stop watching for you, but they can’t get rid of your cursed whispers. We can quiet them. They’re still in there though. Back in the shadows like a lurking vampire.

I’m angry that he has a legacy. I’m angry that he has children he left behind all over the place. I’m angry that I hear his voice sometimes, instead of the smooth, sarcastic, amusing voice of an amazing man who loves me even when I don’t feel like there are enough pieces left of ME to be worthy of love. But I don’t hate him, even though I want to. I look forward to my next boxing session when I’m more in control and can land better hits, and with each hit I can shatter another bad memory. The whispers are still in those shadows because my own heart still has those shadows; he didn’t put them there. He just verbalized them. He stepped in and did what abusers do. They find your deepest fears and make them a living, breathing, part of you. My fear of ever being good enough, of being enough to be loved, and of ever getting to be a mother, especially once I lost Sierra and carried that guilt for so long; those were mine. His legacy is the worst of my fears.

And please do not take this post as a desire for sympathy or comfort. Putting it out in the wild binary code is therapeutic. Plus, I sincerely hope that maybe someone who needs to will come across this and learn that they’re not so messed up that leaving it all behind is the only option. I’ve known that feeling and you, the survivor, can slowly heal. Just imagine yourself as Sally, from The Nightmare Before Christmas (TM- on app so no handy symbol lol). It’s taken me a lot of healing and a lot of years, but it’s the first time I’ve ever formally acknowledged that his whispers stayed because they’re my deepest fears. Trauma is a lifelong project to work through. It’s why I empathize with foster and adoptive kids so much. We’re a work in progress. Everyone is. Ours just takes a little more work behind the scenes. I believe in us both.

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Mexican Caesar Salad Recipe by Leah

Posted on May 6, 2018 by Georgia's Pampering

Leahs New Logo

 

 

While Crunchy Bean Tacos and Sweet Corn Tomalito are delicious, they don’t make a meal all on their own.  They need some veggies!  So here is the Mexican Caesar Salad we love to eat.

 

 

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Mexican Caesar Salad

INGREDIENTS

dressing

1/2 cup mayonnaise

1/2 tsp chopped garlic

1/4 cup chopped cilantro

1/4 cup chopped green onion

1/2 tsp salt

1 tsp black pepper

1/4 cup freshly squeezed lime juice

1 Tbsp Dijon mustard

1/4 cup queso fresco

salad

1 large head romaine lettuce

tortilla strips

3 julienned roasted red peppers, stemmed, peeled, and seeded

4 oz queso fresco

4 cilantro sprigs*

 

PREPARATION

dressing

Combine 2 Tbsp of the mayonnaise and the remaining ingredients in a blender or food processor.  Blend until mixed.  Transfer to a mixing bowl.  Whisk in the remaining mayonnaise, blending well.  Cover and refrigerate until ready to use.

salad

Trim the lettuce leaves.  Cut into 1/4-inch pieces, and then wash and dry them thoroughly.  In a large mixing bowl toss with tortilla strips and dressing.  Top with bell peppers, cheese, and cilantro*.  Serve immediately.

*Georgia’s Nerdy Note: If you are unable to eat cilantro, you can swap parsley for it.  Some people have the same genes, OR6A2, which cause cilantro to taste like soap due to picking up other scents that those without the gene set detect.  Parsley is an easy swap, so you don’t miss out!

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Back in the Saddle!

Posted on May 4, 2018 by Georgia's Pampering

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Okay, first, a totally girly moment with very girly font color…oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!  Yesterday we got notified that our profile had been approved by AdoptUS all ready and that we could submit inquiries now.  In the wee hours I finished our national profile (it took a while to find a pic that fit their size and didn’t cut half our faces off or other weird things).  I then did 7 inquiries (we actually have 177 matches nation wide [!!], but narrowed it down to the states around us).  A few hours later we all ready received three responses from case workers, all requesting information that I had to email my social worker for, since I’ve never received the completed forms yet.  One response was from the case worker of the girl that actually sparked our decision to take this fork in the road!  

I’m trying so hard to not get overly excited or expectant, since we’ve been there and done that with a lot of heartache, but when I sent an email in response to the requested info, explaining the delay while I work to get that information, I literally got tingles.  So silly and so incredibly happy that we are able to work toward finding and getting Kiddo again.  Never would I have expected to have gone this route, but I am so thankful that God gave me the courage to take this step.  It’s terrifying to be handling all of this by myself, instead of having a social worker to mediate and do the main work, but I pulled myself up by the bootstraps and started the new path.  I’m freaking giddy, despite knowing this could all come to just heartache.  We have options and hope again.  

Thank you for all of the support and encouragement!  I wouldn’t have been able to make it to this path without it, so that God could then do His work.  Although it’s still so scary, with God and all of you, I have actual hope again.  My Fibro is being horrific right now, but for once I’m able to not focus on it and just be happy.  I feel like that scene in Hook© where Tink has Peter think a happy thought and he learns to fly again.  I learned to hope again.  I don’t know what challenges we will face next, but I can’t help happily crying.  It’s a beautiful, shining moment along this incredibly long journey.  So please cross your fingers I can get our information from KS early next week and be able to send it on to the other case workers.  And thank you, again, for being there throughout this.  In our case it takes a village to get our girl and I’m thankful for this village. 

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